Sunday, October 10, 2010

Coming out! Who do you trust?

The coming out process is one of the most personal things to a lot of people. For me it was a process that took years for me to even find someone to trust. As a teen I thought my brothers where too young to understand the way I felt. I tried to give my mom some little hints at times, yet I was too worried that my father would find out. My father was not the type a person who deals with this well. As I sit here, I recall why I feared talking to my father about it. When I was around 7 years old I did mentioned to him that I wanted a doll, and he would not have any of that. There was an odd silence on the way home from the toy store. When we got home he told me to go straight to my room. I could tell from his tone of voice that he was not happy. At first I didn’t know what I said to make him so angry. I soon found out as he came into the room with his belt (with buckle end out) hitting me across the back and bottom to many times to remember. I felt the welts for days. In that one moment I learned that he was not the one to entrust my inner most thoughts and feelings. If not my family who? I felt alone because everyone expected me to act a certain way or play with certain toys, or just hang with the boys when I wanted to hang out with the girls play. At age 7 I didn’t know how to explain it, yet it was something so dear to my heart yet I suppressed all these feelings and buried them away.

My life went through a lot of changes in the next few years. We moved a lot tell we settled in a little town in southern Utah. What didn’t change was the beatings my brother and I would get for no reasons. My father began to work a lot which meant fewer worries as he would get home later in the evening. He buried himself in his business and left little time for his family. I had been suppressed my feelings up to this point but things where about to change. As puberty hit I began to feel even more of a disconnect with my body than ever. Since my earliest memories I never felt my parts belonged to me. It was like a cruel joke someone played on me. The new changes where taking me 100% in the opposite direction than my heart told me I should be going. I began to immerse myself in my music (I played trumpet) and started to draw again. I would sit in my room and sketch for hours. Images of a little girl (me) standing there crying as kids around her laugh. Another one of I’m looking into the mirror, what I see is an image ripped right down the middle. The left side appears more male while the right side appears more female. The two sides merge and blend at the ripped center. I felt torn between what I felt and what society says I should be. There didn’t seem to be any way to get around the fact that I would spend the rest of my life never being me. The music was a creative outlet for me and allowed me to take my mind off what was going on. These were my havens. Close your eyes and listen to the music, anyone could be playing it. So I did, I stood on my bed with my eyes closed and I practiced my heart out. It was my first way to express my gender. Yet no one ever knew why I had the passion for music. I knew, and at the time that was enough. I had to find some way of expressing myself without outing me. I was not ready at this time have the world know my secret. The drawing and music allowed me to do this. I was too early in the process to know how to express what I felt.

It would take a long time for me to accept my fate and finally be open about my past, for some of my past still lies in the background. But it was not till after getting married and having two wonderful kids who are in college know did I come to a point in my journey were I felt I could not do this anymore. I did everything that society ask of me and I was not happy. I loved my wife and kids, yet the burning desire to be true to how I was became so strong there had to be an outlet. I finally came out to my family.

Coming out to my family was scary for me. I had brothers that I cared for very much and worried of losing them to the news I was about to tell them. For some reason I didn’t feel as nervous about telling my mother, but we had gone through a lot together other the years with my father I felt she may somehow understand. She told me that evening that she wondered about it for years but did not want to say anything in case my father caught on. I told her I wished she would have talked to me, at least she may have listened and helped me. We gave each other big hugs and cried. My brothers took it better than I thought they might. One told me that they knew something was different about me. He would see me in my mother’s closet while I tried on her clothes. He never told me he was spying on me when I would have mu little tea parties and such. My father reacted by saying “make sure it had nothing to do with my childhood”. I told him that I have always been like this no matter how much he does not want to believe it. And then he changed the subject and refused to go back to the topic. My kids accepted the news well but it took some time for my wife to come to terms with the news. She has come a long way in accepting my gender issues and we are working together in our journey. If it was not for the knowledge I gained from the many articles and personal stories I’ve discovered over the years I would not have had the courage to come out. Discovering I had options was the biggest relief I felt from all the stories.

What I found to be true for me is that the coming out process is one that each individual has to take at their own time frame. It took many years for me to be ready with the information and words to explain how it felt to be me. I still have a lot further to go than I wish I did, but by taking it one day at a time I’m slowly making progress to where I want to be. I want to be fully out and fulltime. I spent my life trying so hard to fit in that I wrapped a wall around me to hide the little girl that so desperately wanted out, now taking down these walls down one brick at a time. I have yet to live my life completely, but the mirror is slowly changing to a single image of a women looking back. No more ripped images, gone are the days of the ripped images, but I still see him in the shadows fading away. Coming out has given me a way to express myself like never before. It has lifted a burden off my shoulders of keeping the wall up and allowed me to be myself.

I admire the families I see today that that have unconditional love for their child and support their needs. I didn’t need to be told I was not a girl with each belt swipe. Gender variant children need the support of their families more than ever during this time. Listen to your children. They need your understanding and trust. They don’t need to be told there going to hell or beaten into submission. They need an understanding ear to listen to what they are telling you. These children would do so much better with support of their families and piers. A supportive family may be the one thing that saves your child’s life in a time of crisis. It’s not a fun place to have lost all hope and don’t have a place to turn. No one to talk to! Alone! I felt that more times than I care to think. Something inside me kept me going though. The simple fact that I have not yet lived my life as authentic as it could be, keeps me going toward my goals. It may be a slow pace, but it’s mine. I now have hope of a future that looks a little brighter.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Narrative I wrote for the T-Project.

Hi Everyone,
I recently had the chance to work with 5 other wonderful participants of the T-Project. It is an art show which includes still photography and video of each participant. Along with the art we included a narrative, Here's mine, I hope you enjoy:

Okay, take away all the research and any scientific data. Why do transsexuals feel they have to transition to become the opposite sex? Well, let me ask you this: Are you happy and content with your body as you are today? Your answer would probably be, “yes.” Now imagine that suddenly you had the body of the opposite sex. You were expected to act a certain way and if you didn't you would be punished. Everyone treated you as you looked and expected nothing more or less from you. When you looked in the mirror, you did not like what you saw because that is not you. Deep inside you knew how your body was supposed to be, but you saw something totally opposite. You were treated differently from what you expected because people saw the opposite of what you feel inside. You felt like nothing was right, you could not be yourself. You felt like the weird one in the group. You were forced to be someone that you came to hate — a shell of a person. What would you do? Well, the same can be said about a transsexual.

The TS person feels that the body does not match what the brain knows to be true. They are tortured throughout their lives with the fact that their bodies don't reflect their true selves. Many times in their lives they are tempted to tell someone, anyone, but they are afraid of being rejected for who they really are. Many keep that fear of rejection hidden until they can't take it anymore, many times later in life after they have married and had children. Whenever it happens, there usually comes a time when a TS person must come out or feel a death will come from depression — the depression of not being the true self.

So what do we do? Hide from our fears and never become our true selves, never achieve our God given happiness in life? Or do we strive to prove that we were meant to be who we are and live a life that was meant for us? The answer lies within all of us, for each one of us is different and can only take so much from society. There are those who won't survive because the hate will finally cause so much strife in the transsexual's life that there may be the feeling to end it all. Others will be able to persevere through all the hate and succeed in life and live their lives complete and happy.

I have been on both sides of the fence. I've let the fear keep me down and hidden, but that didn't get me anywhere that made me happy. So those terrible thoughts would rise in all their fiery glory. I have also been lucky to make it over that hump and now look for that happiness that so many of us look for. We all have so much to live for and I'm slowly beginning to see that. So I'm making strides to change my life for a better place in life. I also truly believe that it will also make me a better person as a whole so I may be a better parent and spouse. That's what being out means to me!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Reflections: Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) 2009

Yesterday we held our TDOR event at The LOFT in White Plains, NY. It was a very moving day for me. You see, I’ve spent the last year or so working on pieces on the event and a few months ago I was elected to the Board of Director of The LOFT and helped organize the event. I had a lot of help, thank god for that. For my first event, I felt good about how well it came out and it touched many hearts. The turn-out was good from the transgender community and new allies. I would like to thank everyone who came to this event or any TDOR event in this country. As I reflect back on yesterday’s event, I feel the need to do more. The name’s we read yesterday did not have to die. It is because of ignorance and misunderstanding do they lose a chance to live a happy life. I talked to a friend today. No actually I came out to her today. Even though I was nerves to lose her friendship, Several events this past year have brought me to this point in my life. The TDOR event made it painfully aware of the work that needs to be done to help people understand our community. The only way to make that change is to be open to people in your life. Change does not happen unless we tell our stories and people have a chance to see that we are human. We are valued members of our society. We all strive to live a productive and happy life just like any other community in this world. Yet some strive to drive our community in the ground. Our TDOR event drove home even deeper was how this hate and misunderstanding that must drive people to murder someone also drives even more of our community to end their own lives from depression gained from the rejection of our family, friends and society.
As I came out to my friend today, I thought about all the names on the list, the ring of the gong as each name was called out. After the vigil I had to step out to get some air, but as I stood there alone in the cool winter evening. I wondered if the ones that passed felt that alone and how it must have felt as they passed away with no one to comfort them. I kept hearing “stabbed 40 times”, “decapitated and dismembered”, “Shot 13 times”, “beaten to death”. It was just too much for me to take in. How does someone beild up that much rage to do that to another human being. I had to take a moment to gather myself together before going back inside. My desire to educate others has grown so much over this last year by attending events like this. I been inspired by the strength that I have seen in our speakers yesterday. They had the strength to persevere through the hate, bigotry and the misunderstanding of others. Yet they live their lives to the fullest.
As I sat there for a response from my friend, many thoughts are going through my head. But she turned to me and said that’s ok. She knows some people around her block that are transgender and talks to them all the time as they walk down the street. As she turned to me to give me a hug, I felt a since of relief. I turned to her and thanked her for her support and as we talked a bit more as I told her my story. She admitted that this was the last news that she would have expected but was glad I told her because she learned a lot.
After our vigil we revealed a project that we have been working on for the past year. To Advocate, Educate and Celebrate our community, we created a project called the T-Project. It’s a art project where we used still photography and video to educate the public about our community. We hope to raise awareness of our community in a positive and meaningful way, by Advocating, educating and celebrating our community. We would like to rolling this out to other LGBT community centers in the area, then possibly expanding to include other participants in other parts of the country, if there is interest that is ;) The project contains professional still photography matted and framed in the shape of the letter T. Each participant wrote essay which was displayed alongside the framed photos. One additional peace I worked on personally was a video that captured clips of each participant as they talked about being transgender. It came together for a powerful message. It gave even more meaning to the TDOR as a whole. It includes caption for the hearing compared members of our community. We hope to inspire others how are questioning their gender to reach out for a helping hand as it can be an important first step in discovering yourself all over again.
As I looked over at one of our new members who told me the other day, that they had a smile on their face thinking about himself while driving home from their first meeting. I thought we must still give hope to others that come behind us. At the beginning of my journey I felt so alone, no one to talk to how I felt I could trust with what was within me. So I built a barricade around me to project myself from any harm that come my way. I did my best to live up to what society expected of me, leaving behind my dignity and Identity. I don’t know about you, but I really appreciated the help and support that I received when I finally started to find people who know what being transgender means. I reached out many times just like my new friend has, I was inspired by many of the storied I read, many became good friends. I gained my dignity back, but most importantly, I gained my Identity back. If it was not for the hope I gained by reaching out, the future did not look like a happy one.
I have hope that we can cut those numbers down in the future. It may not be easy, but it’s something that must be done. By supporting our community we also grow stronger. So reach out to a hand in need of an ear to listen. You may be surprised by what you find within yourself. Be Authentic.
Michelle Lee

Friday, September 11, 2009

Remembering 9/11

Note: I wrote this about 2 years ago.

I have been reading Lori D's blog the last few days and came across a entry that brought back a lot of pain and sorrow. I have tried to avoid many of the memories, not out of disrespect or anything. It just brings back a lot of sorrow for what I saw that day. Until recently have I started to deal with it. So I wanted to share with you mine and many others experience and many people experienced the same thing or worse.

I will remember that day till the day I die. I worked on the 47th floor of the second building that got hit. I remember that morning was so beautiful as I looked over the Hudson River into NJ and then looking further down the river to see the statue of Liberty. I often did this every morning before starting my work. I turned to my desk and said hello to a co-worker as he came in and sat at his desk.

I was sitting there no more than 10 minutes before I heard what sounded to me like a big explosion. I suddenly felt our office get warmer as the building vibrated and moved from the concussion from the other building. I though a BIG bomb went off in our building. I ran to window of my office and saw a lot of smoky papers falling in front of me. I thought we were hit for sure. I got REALLY nervous and told my co-worker that we should get out of the building so we proceeded to the stairwell where other workers where gathering, debating on leaving or not. I told them, are you crazy, we should get out and gather out front if possible and then decide what to do from there(good thing we did).

We proceeded down the stairs and as we got to each floor it would slow some as other people were also trying to get down the stairs. I remember looking into several firemen eyes as they ran up the same stairs everyone else was running down (God bless them all and their families). I remember hearing over the intercom that a small plane had hit the other building and it was safe to return to our offices, but what I felt when the first plane hit told me not to listen to their advice, so I continued down the stairs. 30th floor, 20th floor, I was starting to get a little winded but could not slow down too much fearing I'd get run over. So I continued. I finally made it down to the lobby, where the police was directing everyone to go to the plaza area to exit through the plaza. As I hurried myself through the plaza, I remember so any faces with terror in the eyes, something I hadn't seen in person before. I started to get a haunting feeling as I started to hear thuds above me, thinking it was debris from the fire I continued. I finally made it to the exit and continued to the outside where it was mayhem all around. I looked up to see a huge fire burning. As I turned to walk up the street I heard another explosion and I looked up just as the building I was just standing in blow up in a ball of flames. It scared the crap out of me and I ran as debris started to fall around me. When l I was a few blocks away I finally paused for a few minutes as I looked back and finally realized what the thuds I heard in the plaza was. I saw people jumping to their death to get away from the flames as each floor was engulfed in flames. I decided to go home. So I got on the last train leaving the area before they shut down the subway. I remember walking down the block and seeing people crying historically and others trying to comfort them at the same time trying to absorb what was happening around us.

The horrible things I saw that day still haunts me at times. I finally visited a memorial this year at a local park and as I stood there reading the names. I had to sit down as I broke down remembering all the faces I saw of the firemen, police and others that day. Yes, we should never forget those that died that day. How many are scared for life. I'm reminded how lucky I am to be standing here today. We must NEVER forget that day. God bless us all.

Michelle Lee

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Validation and Acceptance

I've had to take a closer look at my life in the last few years and how things have affected me. I have always looked for both validation and acceptance but have never gotten it for the reasons that meant most to me. I've had acceptance as a boy, but always looked for the acceptance I never had a chance to get for being a female. I hid in fear. Fear of being laughed at, fear of being ridiculed and fear of being alone. All these fears kept me down for so many years.

Rejection can be a strong emotion, which can tier at your very fabric of your soul. Rejection from society, your friends and loved ones. This can bring about all the other fears. Early in life we all try to fit in somewhere in society. Looking for acceptance in some group or another, and sometimes doing just about anything to fit in to one of these groups. Usually we slide in where we feel more comfortable. The brainiest hang out with the brainiest; the athletes hang out with the jocks, est. But as transsexuals it may be more difficult to find that place of total comfort. A place you're not afraid to be. I found myself just looking for a place I could be accepted. I went as far as practicing in front of the mirror to make sure the way I walked and the way I acted was totally male. Mind you, I was not a macho guy, but I didn't want anyone to think I was gay or perceived as a girlish boy. Survival of the fittest as they say. In the small town (Southern Utah) I spent most of my childhood, anyone that fell out of the norm was tossed out to the side as an outcast.

Acceptance comes in many forms. Social acceptance most people seem to look for. As noted above, this can be the one everyone fears at one time or another. For the lucky ones, it can be a wonderful experience to finally find a comfortable place to be. But each of us will go through these times in our lives at different paces. I believe the more you feel comfortable with being out, what that may mean to you could be anything. For some of the girls out there, this can be a emotional journey at times. Some may turn to isolation from society. At times in life you may have been witness to the cruel ways some people can be. Rejection from society can make one also want to go into isolation. Away from everyone and giving yourself some time to meditate. You must get to a point where you're not afraid to be comfortable with yourself. Take some time to look at yourself and your life. Sometimes self acceptance takes some time, but as you mature at your true nature, you gain the life experience that will carry you into the future.

Many of the un-educated in our society refuse to look at any of the research that seems to show that there are other reasons that transsexuals feel the way that they do. They will tell us that this is a CHOICE! You got to be kidding me. Who in their right mind would ever want to go through what many transsexuals go through just to keep our heads above the water. There is belittlement from our families, friends and society as a whole. It makes perfect since why so many TS’s prefer to stay in stealth mode all their lives. It’s sad that people can’t just accept the fact that this is not a choice and it was meant to be, even before we were born. The parents seem to blame themselves, but they don’t have to. They don’t need to feel guilty over what their child is going through. There was nothing that they or anybody else could have done to prevent this from happening. Nature will take its own course and that is just life. We all have to deal with it, the TS person, their families and many of their friends. In my option, the only ones that should feel guilty about anything are the bigoted ones, but not for the way they raised them. For not only ignoring science but also for not giving their child the love that they so deserve.

Ok, take away all the research and any scientific data. Why would a transsexual feel they would have to transition to become the opposite gender. Well, let me ask you this. Are you happy and content with your body as you are today? Your answer will probably be yes. Now imagine that suddenly you had the body of the opposite sex. You where expected to act a certain way, if you didn’t you were punished. Everyone treated you as you looked and expected nothing more or less from you. When you look in the mirror, you do not like what you see because that is not you. Deep inside you know how your body is supposed to be, but you see something totally opposite. You are treated differently from what you expect because people she the opposite of what you feel inside. You feel like nothing is right, you can’t be yourself. You feel like the weird one in the group. You are forced to be someone that you become to hate, a shell of a person. What do you do? Well, the same can be said about a transsexual. The TS person feels that their body does not match what the brain tells them that is the truth. They are tortured throughout their lives with the fact that their bodies don’t reflect the true person inside. Many times in their lives they are tempted to tell someone, anyone. But they are scared to be rejected for who they really are. Many keep that fear of rejection hidden until they can’t take it anymore, many times later in life after they have married and had children. Whenever it happens, there usually comes of time when the TS person must come out or they feel that they will die from depression. The depression of not being their true self’s all your life. Society puts so much pressure on an individual to conform to the stereotypes set forth at their birth, the pressure to conform can be tremendous.

I believe that personal acceptance can be the hardest for the transsexual at times. I had some problems at times with this. I've gone through many years of indecision to get where I am today. But it didn’t come easy. The years of denial, the years of fear and the years of wanting to believe that I was something I was not can take a toll on a person. It was not until I gained some education on the subject that I began to see I was not the only one out there that felt this way. Seeing others struggling through life as I had let me know I was not crazy. It took me several years before I truly accepted who I was and what I needed to do to be happy.

Family acceptance is another we hope to have in our life's. I spent most of my life afraid to tell my parents about me being a transsexual. When I finally did tell them I was 30 year old, and getting overwhelmed with my life. My mother seemed to be very supportive, and my dad didn't seem to care to much either way. It was really surprising that I also got the support of my brothers also, one of whom now calls me his sister. I have not seen them much in last 10 years but we have been in contact over the phone and have had many long talks. I also have been given some support with my two kids. They are great kids and I love them very much. I was not able to tell my kids about me being transgendered at first. Within the last 8 year I have talked to my kids about me being transsexual and they seemed to be opened minded about it. It has also been a surprised to see my wife starting to support my needs. She is starting to open up to the idea that a transsexual can honor their needs without losing the sentimental moments.
The acceptance of family can be a life line to your soul. Many of my brothers and sisters have lost family in the process of coming out. It can be devastating to someone, especially if they have always been close to their loved ones. So many of those who lose their families are due to the pressures of society, even their religion. I find it sad that many of those people can’t or refuse to see the happiness and pure joy in their loved ones eyes as they go through this journey of enlightenment. An enlightenment that brings out a better person. In many cases a person who is able to truly love another without fear. A person who has opened there heart to others and willing to show the authentic person.

So what do we do? Hide from the society and never become our true self’s and achieve our god given happiness in life. Or do we strive to prove society wrong and show them that we were meant to be who we are and live a life that was meant for us. The answer lies within all of us for each one of us is different and can take so much from society. There are those that won’t survive either because of the hate will finally cause so much strife in the their life that they feel they need to end it all, and others will be able to persevere through all the hate and succeed in life and live their lives complete and happy. I have been on both sides of the fence. I’ve let the fear keep me down and hidden, but that didn’t get me anywhere that made me happy. So those terrible thoughts would rise in all its fiery glory. I have also been lucky to make it over that hump and now look for that happiness that so many of us look for. We all have so much to live for and I’ve slowly come to see that. So I’m making strides to change my life for a better place in life. I also truly believe that it will also make me a better person as a whole so I may be a better parent and spouse.

In closing I’d like to share an excerpt of a poem I wrote about a year ago:

Why am I angry
I look into people eyes
I get back intolerance
If looks could kill
It would be a death sentence

Why am I angry
If people would just try and understand
And take my place in this great land
They would finally see
I'm no different than them

I have a kind heart
That gets all torn apart
When they try and condemn
For if they could let go
Even they could live free

Maybe one day
I'll find acceptance
For my life as it is
Seeking life's essence
And finally find my way
To the place that's peaceful
With pleasant morning rays

Friday, July 31, 2009

What is Transition mean to me?

Transition will mean many things to many people, so bare with me as I describe what it means to me.

From Wikipedia:
“Transitioning is the process of changing genders - the idea of what it means to be female or male. For transsexuals, the new gender is "opposite" that of birth sex; for intersex people it is different from how they were raised; for genderqueer people it is neither solely female nor male.”

For me it is the journey we all take in our lives to discover who we are and how we will handle things in our future. Transition is not all about the process of just changing genders or taking the final step toward SRS. It is so much more than that. It’s a process, a process that may start 2, 5, 10 or even more years before even getting to the point of SRS. And in my option, transition does not stop after those final surgeries. This journey we go through will take us to so many places deep within ourselves, some will be dark and others will shine a light that gives clarity to many misunderstood thoughts and feelings you may have had in the past. This clarity is an important part of transition, because without it we may get ahead of ourselves and jump into something before we are ready to take the correct steps.

This journey took me to many dark places because I resented that fact I could no longer play with the other girls when I got to a certain age. If I didn’t play with the boys I was looked down upon because “boys” don’t play with the girls. You must stay in the male pack. I hated my body in my teens as it changed with more masculine features. I was envious of the girls around me because I felt I should have been growing and socializing right along with them. Yet my body was forcing me in a different direction then I wanted to go. To survive, I immersed myself in other things such as music and drawing, but those things really never could relieve the torture I felt inside. To add to the pain, I knew I could not tell anyone because I knew that if I didn’t even understand what I was feeling no one would either. On top of that, I knew I would me mocked and labeled a freak. All of us at this age (teens) are trying to fit in somewhere, and to be left outside of a group was to live a lonely life.

Without the knowledge or resources we have today with the internet and so many other places of support, life for me looked rosy on outside, but very cloudy on the inside. I only mention the above to make a point. The point being that because of that journey (painful or happy side), it eventually led to moments of clarity. The search for knowledge began as the internet began to emerge. I always wondered why I felt I was meant to be a girl? Why dressing made some of those sad feeling go always, but only for a moment. Why did I still feel something was missing? Why? So many whys went unanswered most of my life.

I tell most people that I’ve been transitioning for the last 15 or so years. It could have been even long if you consider the whole journey apart of transition. But it was about then when the internet emerged and I slowly found answers to some of the burning questions I’ve always had. In every new peace of knowledge I grew. I grew to better understand my thoughts and feelings. I grew to know myself better. I was finally able to cut away some of those barriers I’ve built up so long ago to protect myself from harm. The barriers that held me back from being authentic to me and others. I began the journey of self discovery. Slowly the clarity in my mind began to shine a light on the path that I knew I needed to follow. The clarity of self acceptance was the biggest stumbling block, because at first I didn’t want to admit I may be a transsexual. I was afraid of what that would mean to me and the family I now had. It took a while, but the more I read and compared it to my past and present, the more I realized that this was never going away. The more I realized this, I could finally declare to myself that this is who I am and trim away the shame I attached to it for so long. It also helped to know I was not the only one out there. I soon learned that there are many that have traveled down this path and did something about it and are much happier for it today. I wanted to be one of those people that were happy with themselves and life.

Since I got serious about my transition, I am happier which makes the hard time more bearable. With each step I take toward my goals, the light shines even brighter. Even though the transition is not complete, I now know in my heart that this is the right thing for me. Complete. Hmmm, I wonder if anyone can ever call a transition complete, because the discoveries won’t stop after going full time. And they sure won’t stop after SRS, at least that’s what I believe. Maybe I can settle on that a step in the transition will be complete:)

So after all this rambling, what is transition? Well, it’s a journey of self discovery that for some will never end, but with each turn in that journey you’ll discover new and wonderful things about yourself and life in general. It’s a process that’s not made for everyone, but for the select few who go through the process it can be a life changing experience. So take a very close at yourself and find where your journey will take you.

And by the way, what does transition mean to you?
Hugs Michelle

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Lateisha Green Murder Trial (Update to my last post)

Well, yesterday after posting my note I read the blog from TLDEF on the trial. It seemed odd to me that some of the witnesses where suddenly forgetting what they had said in police interviews, even suggesting that they were just saying yes to what the police told them about the case because he was scared of the police.
In today Syracuse paper there (and a mention in today's TDLEF blog) that witnesses were being threatened by friend of the murderer. After reading this everything I read yesterday made since. they tell the police one thing during the night of the interviews, they receive threats, then try to change what they said or somehow blame it on the police when they testify. This ASS plays dirty. I truly hope he does not get away with this. I'm not sure how this would normally work, should they put the trial on hold, investigate the treats and charge the offenders and bring it up in this trial, or do they do the investigation after this trial is over? However it should work, this stinks me BAD. What did this fool think he was doing? This just makes him look so much more guilty then before.
What do you all think?