Monday, December 22, 2008

A Son's Perspective

Hi Everyone,
As many of you know that follow blog, I've talked about the support I've had from my kids and wife on my transition. Well, a while back I had asked my son if he would mind writing something from his own perspective on the new of me being transgender. He told me that he would not have a problem at all doing that. I explained that there are many views on this topic and I would like to share his view. So without me getting long winded I hand over the podium to my son Ryan.

When my father first asked me to write this, I was rather uneasy as to why something like this was necessary. Why should I need to write how I feel about my own father? Then I realized how selfish that sounds, but I also came to realize though, that I was uneasy not because I did not want to tell my father how I felt about him. Rather, I found it sad that because of the society we currently live in, people need reassurance from their own family about who they truly are. Have we gone so far as to have people hide and feel uneasy about their natural identity?

I want you to know Dad that nothing has changed the way I feel about you. If anything, I am happier for you, seeing that your life is really starting to fall in place, and that you are truly searching for happiness in the face of the whole world telling you otherwise. It takes a lot of emotional strength to do something like that, something the average person would rather not do. Its why we see masses of people conforming to such close minded ways of thinking, to the point where what is right and what is wrong is dictated to us by another, and that we are out of place to say otherwise. But not you Dad, you believe in what you stand for and you don’t let others tell you otherwise. I admire you for that. Don’t let them hold you back from your dreams. Most of the greatest men and women I have studied about in school shared that same rare characteristic that you do. You are not scared to stand up for what you believe, even when it is something so radically different in the eyes of the masses. You are not afraid to push the envelope and work to make this country a better and more just place for people to live in. If we had more people who thought this way, I think we would be living in a much better world than we do today.

So what I say Dad, is do what your heart tells you to, and forget about the rest. In the end, it is what matters most. Personally, I would rather be proud and shout out for who I am, than desperately be trying to live a life for who I am not. And I feel like you would agree with this, and I hope that someday I will have as much courage as you do. There is so much wrong in the world and it is our obligations to humanity, as human beings, to work for a better place for everybody. You and I, we may just be a small dot on the map. We may not have the political power and money to make drastic changes. But what we do have is the power of numbers. More and more likeminded people are slowly coming together and bringing light to these issues. You have realized it, and I am glad that you are becoming more involved in these movements. So that one day, when these stupid laws and attitudes are changed, you can say to yourself you helped make this world a better place, and it all started because you listened to your heart, and simply accepted who you truly are.

I love you Dad, I hope you know nothing you have or ever will do will change that. And just know that I believe in you completely, you can do this, and you have my complete and utter support.

Your Son,

To my son,
I have to say that after reading this letter I can see that you yourself will go very far in the future. I'm proud to be your parent and have a chance to get to know a wonderful person that you have come to be. I can only wish that who ever reads this will also see what I have known all your life. That you are a genuine, caring and compassionate human being.
Love Dad
P.S. OK, ok. We haven't gotten to the point of using proper pronouns yet, lol. We have time :)


Lori D said...

When I first met you I quickly saw what your son sees in you...a magnificent person who is capable of making a real difference in the lives of those around her!

Le visage d'avril said...

Very nice letter.

I told my kids they could always call me dad if they wanted.

Rebecca said...

Wow! That brought tears to my eyes. Count yourself one of the lucky ones, sweetie

Anonymous said...

Wow Michelle! I often wonder what my 31 yr old redneck son would say if I came out to him. I wonder what he would say if I asked him to write a letter about how he feels. You are truly blessed to have such a wonderful that has such a clear perspective on life at an early age. I was astounded at his ability to put his words to "paper" to speak. Ryan, God bless you for loving your Dad with unconditional love. She will always cherish your love and support. :)Suzi

Eva-Genevieve! said...

I have heard a similar sentiment from both of my boys too, though far less eloquent in delivery. I beliveve they are happy to see me happy, and my older son has started bugging me about finding a way we can spend some time together soon. It is an amazing thing to find one is still loved and accepted after all the trauma of discovering and accepting and embracing of the now compele self.
Thank you so much for sharing your son's letter.

Michelle said...

I thank everyone for your kind words. For the longest time I didn't see that magnificent person in myself. But as time has moved forward I've opened my eyes to the joys around me and feel blessed very day.
I've shed many tears coming to the conclusion of what I had to do. I'm sure there will be more, but the road ahead seems a little brighter.
Suzi, I've had many talks with my son over the years and it still amazing me how much love this kid has in his heart. I really feel that his future partner will be grateful to fill it also.
Eva, It took me a LONG time to come to grips with the way I felt, and I have been happier for it. I never thought myself to have much courage as my son would say, because I felt I hid for so long. But I guess it does take some to finally come out of that shell, and how great it feels to finally be able to breath.
Hugs to Everyone

Eva-Genevieve! said...

it took me from the age of about 12 when I was sure there was a girl in here to 51 when I had no other choice but to transition. It was a long hard way around but I am so glad I stuck around for the best part of my life!


Scott Lee said...

That was an extremely well constructed verse on how a young man feels enlightened by a parents wish to become a complete person. I admire you also, Michelle, your reality has been hidden for to long. I welcome you to a shared reality by which I to am proud to call you my sister.

I love you, your brother Scott.

Michelle said...

Eva- I can tell you that I am happier than I've been in a long time. It took me 30 years to do anything about it. Hopefully I'll enjoy the next 30 years the way I was meant to be.

Scott - I never expected to hear what you had said. As I read your comment this morning, I couldn't help but feel so very touched. To be called your big sister, believe it or not has always been one of the things I always wanted most, even when we were kids. You don't know how many times I wanted to tell you when we were young, but I had always been to scared to tell anyone, even you. I'm sorry. Your support means a lot to me Scott. Thank You.
Love your Sister